Divorce is not an uncommon occurrence these days. Because times have changed and society has progressed, couples no longer have to stay together if they become unhappy with their marriage. For the most part, the reasons for being unhappy vary from couple to couple. For some, it is infidelity, while for others, it is a process of naturally growing apart. There really is no singular reason why couples decide to divorce.
However, there are some reasons that are more common than others. As family law attorneys, we see a lot of different cases, and there seems to be an overarching common reason for divorces to occur.
In many cases, it is important for married couples to simply be aware of threats to their relationship. By being aware, some spouses are able to stop divorce before it happens.
Lack of Commitment
The main reason that couples decide to divorce boils down to lack of commitment. In time, many people find that they are no longer interested or able to put in the work of a marriage. This can look many different ways, such as:
- Not listening
- Making plans without consulting one’s partner
- Lack of intimacy or interest in intimacy
- Triangulating, or talking to a third party about feelings/issues/complaints rather than talking to one’s partner
- Disregarding one’s partner’s feelings
- Failing to appreciate small gestures and acts of kindness
- No longer talking to one’s partner about big issues
These are just a few examples, as lack of commitment could look different depending on the situation. However, rather than getting into the specifics, many divorcing couples opt to use “lack of commitment” as their reason for filing.
Other Major Divorce Triggers
Though lack of commitment does make up a large part of divorces, many other issues cause divorce as well, such as:
- Addiction or substance abuse
- Marrying too young
- Excessive conflict
- Domestic violence
Unfortunately, many of these issues cannot be stopped within a marriage, and divorce is the only option.
Many people recognize their relationship in one or more of the above scenarios and believe that divorce is imminent. However, it is worth noting that there are ways to avoid divorce if you and your partner are willing to put in the work. Remember, you can’t participate in a relationship by yourself. However, you can certainly collaborate to fix issues that would otherwise tear you apart. As a side note, the exception to this is domestic violence, in which the victim should not attempt to reconcile but rather turn to the police.
See a Therapist
One of the best ways you can repair a marriage and avoid divorce is to attend therapy. Though it may be uncomfortable or frustrating at first, seeing a counselor helps couples to work through their issues and get to the core of their issues. Often, we have a hard time articulating what we want and need. With a therapist to guide the conversation and ask questions, many couples are able to unbury their tough feelings for each other.
Spend Intentional Time Together
After being together for a long while, many couples resort to watching tv or playing on their phones after a long day at work. If you feel like your marriage is faltering, try to spend more intentional and meaningful time together. Take walks without electronics, perhaps pick up a new hobby together, even simply eat dinner at the table. Many times, this opens opportunities for growth and reconnection.
Spend Time Alone
When you live with a spouse or partner, it is easy to spend all of your time with them by default. This often puts undue stress on the relationship and causes you both to be subject to each other’s quirks 24/7. Instead, plan time for you each to spend alone. Perhaps alternate weeks of who leaves the house to spend time with themselves and who stays in. Time away to do what you like can have a huge impact on your relationship.
Know When It’s Time to Call It
Though there are certainly more ways to help your relationship, it is also healthy to know when your efforts outweigh the benefits. Sometimes couples do not belong together anymore, and that is okay. Understanding that there is no shame in divorce can free you to make the right decision for yourself and your family. Your children will be better off seeing their parents happy and separate than miserable and married.
Do I Need an Attorney for Divorce?
When you do decide that it’s time to split, a divorce attorney is necessary to move forward. The process of legally divorcing is very difficult and requires quite a bit of paperwork and negotiation. You will have to determine where assets will go, how to handle any real estate that you own, and work out child custody and child support. These matters are tricky, even if your divorce is mutual and amicable.
It is important to note that your divorce may not need to go through litigation. Some individuals believe that if they find a lawyer, they will automatically have to go to court. This is not true. Your divorce attorney can help you through mediation, and you and your spouse can come to an agreement without the prying eyes of a judge. When you have settled all matters, a judge will simply have to sign off. Many of our clients find this option reassuring, as litigation can seem incredibly intimidating.
Call DeArmey Law
If you are looking for a divorce attorney who is experienced in Orange County, look to our team at DeArmey Law. For nearly 50 years, we have been helping families in the area restructure and resettle after divorce proceedings. We understand the emotional toll the process can take, and we will walk you through the process with patience, compassion, and clear communication. Whether you are feuding with your ex or are splitting as friends, our team can help you create a divorce process that is as easy and stress-free as possible.
Don’t hesitate to contact us today for a consultation.